I’ve been pondering a lot lately. I was reading a blog by someone who was abused as a child by his neighbor. I was touched to the core. This man was brave to share and move forward with his life. His blog has inspired plenty. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about manhood, and the drive and growth of man. I reflected briefly on the role of my father, and my family. I don’t want to hurt them but maybe out there someday they will will understand the pain I feel inside and it’s truly time I cry about it, weep about it, and move on.
Dear Mom and Dad,
I might have been an ornery guy after you adopted me. I may have had a temper. I may have been the biggest handful you ever faced in your life. But the last day I slept in your house as your son was when I was 13. When I was shipped off to Pinehaven some of my own accord and some because I truly desired to make you happy you lost a son. Their are many stages of manhood. Having been stripped of boyhood by a rough childhood, I was then stripped of my teen years and forced into adulthood. For many years I languished in a state some would call ‘Cowboy’, constantly seeking that next adventure. I realize that deep down that adventure was the adventure I lost as a teen. So life continued with me seeking each new adventure late into my twenties. The toll and weight was heavy with each new adventure came pain and unfulfillment. All I truly wanted was to find an adventure that would fill an emptiness left behind by rejection. For many years I felt I was not good enough for you, and not good enough for anyone. Today, I know that is not true. I’ve had my share of trial and burdens and mistakes. But today I am a man and a damned good one. I forgive you for any disappointments, any hurts and any wounds. I ask that you likewise do the same if it is possible. I’m finally able to forgive myself for my own stupidity and false bravery. I can weep now. And I can dance now. My home will always be yours. My heart will always be yours. I’d die a thousand times to know for one last time that you only ever sought the best for me. But alas those are memories for yesterday. I move forward a Warrior on a journey to be a King. A King of My Own Domain. I will never be the man anyone else desires. I will only be the man that I am. And for many men they never move on past boyhood. They never accept the journey of a Warrior. Today I accept that journey and move forward. I love you forever until time exists no more. May peace rest upon your household and those of your children.
Today I seize my kingdom,