I love two people dearly and all the signals got crossed recently. And in the midst of all the confusion and hurt I wanted to run away from everyone. I thought more than anything to heal the hurt that was inside being afflicted by both people that I should just run from both of them. And this is my pattern in the past. I ran from Katie, even though I loved her. I don’t need any repeats. So I stand, a bit shaken, a bit wounded but just as strong. Accepting of all needs, desires, and attempting to lay aside the things that I desire in life for the betterment of those I care about. I’m not sure how to overcome the hurt, the disappointment, and the strangeness of both scenarios but I feel after much pain that I have no other choice. Accepting of the pain in hopes that on the other side their is grace. Without hope their is no life. And without my friends I see no point in this world so I stand with my arms stretched out, in pain, crying out for relief from all of this confusion. Wanting desperately for something that I must wait patiently for. Wherever and whoever they may be. Trying not to feel rejected by all of it, trying desperately to hold myself together when sometimes its so hard.
And the song continues, like the waves crash in, like the beating of my heart. With sorrow I must grow, with reflection I must heal. As the rain falls only rain can heal me. And so my strength can continue for another day, and I embrace the pain. I accept the change and push onward to be a better man hoping without hope that I am the man I need to be.