I’m drifting. Drifting into depression. I tried to be optimistic and think it wasnt. Much of it is because of my lack of friends. I’ve seen 3/4% of my online friends drift away like the wind the last few months, seen real world friends dwindle to non existence and I feel as though I’m here alone and on average day only one person will answer a personal email from me.

I’m not sure how I got this far down this path, and I’m not sure how I’m supposed to crawl out of it. I have lots of people in my life, but very few ‘friends’. Tonight I need a hug, a smile, someone to share a joke with me, to do something nice for me in the real world. To not have to get my only interaction from the internet yet here I am. Working, listening to music, unsure of how to fix this, unsure of my next move. Only certain that if this is where I’m supposed to be that I’m strong enough to bear the burdens and continue on with this journey.

I’m sure this is a test of my spirit and that I will come through the other side and laugh. I feel cornered by own emotions, my own sense of obligation, and yet I’m hoping something changes soon for the better.

Update: I’m feeling better. Two friendly suprises were an answer to prayer on a rough evening.

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