One of the most painful things in my life has been losing my family. I’ve lost them twice in my life. My biological family, then my adopted family. I realized that after my adopted father passed that I have nothing left to hold onto as far as wanting to reach out to them. They ignored my calls, ignored my pain, ignored my illness, turned their back on me when I needed them the most. All because they only saw my failures and gave up on me. But there was one who never gave up on me…I have a heavenly Father who I love and cherish more than life itself. I have my failures and my downfalls. But at the end of the day he listens to me every single time I call on His Name. And he shall never perish…
Repentance is hard. Moving on is harder. Letting go of all the pain,bitterness,and anguish in my soul. I desire reconcilliation first and foremost with God, and with those who’ve I’ve done ill to…
I seek reconcilliation with my ex wife. I pray for her daily. I pray for reconcilliation with my mother and sister, but turn it all over to God knowing that he’s the one in control and in due time all things will be his.
As life changes hopefully I am growing. And I remember my dear brother in the faith Rich Mullins who sang an amazing song that guides and inspires me even to this day. This version done by Jars of Clay.
My Father In Heaven,
Though I am weak,and weary, and worn. I turn over my soul to you. I ask you to guide my every step. I ask you to teach me to love the loveless. I ask you to heal my pain, to heal my body,to heal my soul. To heal my entire being. But if this is not your will. I rest assured that in time you will hold me in your arms and I will no longer weap for things of this world. When I am tired and I can not see I ask that you guide me. When I fail you I ask that you forgive me. When I am proud I ask that you humble me. When I am tired I ask that you give me rest. When I do not see the Kingdom of God in this world I ask that you give me symbols of your Way. When I see suffering that I do not understand I ask that you give me patience to learn to love the oppressor. I pray that you hear your children crying out in the Wilderness and bring them safely into your House for everlasting unto everlasting. For all my iniquities grant me grace and mercy. When I weap heavenly father you alone know that I weep for another home. Not of this world. One without suffering,pain, and the things that make this world so burdensome…One where my family extends to the farthest reaches of the Universe and you hold me in your arms forever.